My childhood friend’s dad recently passed away after a short stay in hospital. After suffering a stroke, he was unable to swallow and was fed via a tube. During this time, this wonderful man maintained a happy, peaceful, and positive mind despite being unable to eat or drink, and barely being able to speak or move – occasionally he’d smile and ask for tea. When his daughter played music he loved listening to, he would loudly try to sing along, happily humming and trying to get out some words. Even knowing he was nearing the end of his beautiful life, he wanted to make those last moments happy ones.
I often think of this story my friend recounted, and how it personified who he was in life – happy, positive, calm, peaceful, friendly, helpful, and many other good qualities. He lived a wonderfully blessed life; a testament to this is the number of people who will be attending his funeral and wake, from across the globe, to join in a celebration of his life. Some 180 people are expected to be at the wake!
During my three-hour drive to the office yesterday, I thought fondly of my friend’s dad and how my friend is so beautifully accepting that all must pass, and recollecting the many amazing things her father accomplished and taught. I decided to listen to some of the artists whose music he happily hummed and tried to sing along to; Andy Williams and Patsy Cline, to name a couple.
I found myself experiencing a range of emotions through the various songs; some made me smile with happy memories, some made me cry with sad memories, some had me wishing people were still alive and in my life. Some lyrics made me cry about lost loves or sigh with relief that I wasn’t ‘Crazy’ (a Patsy Cline song that reminded me of an old relationship).
It occurred to me that so often we are thinking about things of the past, regrets we have about things we said or did. Regrets about things we didn’t say or do. We mull things over time and again, “If only I’d said this or done that, maybe things would have been different.” People with PTSD suffer greatly by actions of the past, events, and experiences that haunt them terribly, leaving them trapped in a cycle of endless suffering. Seemingly no way out of the past that terrorizes their present constantly.
If we’re not thinking about the past, we are thinking about the future. What do we want to happen? Will they love me? Will they like me? Will I keep my job? Can I afford that new house or car? If I go on holiday, will the weather be nice? Will I have enough money? Will I get fed up with my partner or friend, etc.?
All this reminiscing, pondering, reliving, and wishing things of the past could have been different to what they were does not serve us. It causes us anxiety, torment, and other negative feelings. All this worrying, fear, and mental torture robs us of the present moment, where we are right here and now.
We cannot change the past. We have limited control of our future, but right now, in this moment, we have a choice. Who do we want to be? What do we want to do? How do we want to live our life? Do we want to be free, happy, and peaceful, and have calm and stable states of mind?
Reflecting on my friend’s dad and his ability to remain joyful and positive even in the face of great physical adversity reminds me of the power of living in the present. His life is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the importance of embracing each moment with grace and positivity. Let’s honor his memory by choosing to live fully in the present, appreciating the beauty and possibilities it holds.
